My Sad Heart is Burning: Persuing My True Self
by FriskyOdi
Summary: Izaya Orihara never used to be so demented and manipulative. It all started with a High School crush and unrequited love. Can a certain brute make up for lost time, and heal the man he truly loved all along? Bringing back the sweet Izaya from High School may take a little patience, but patience is a given when it's for the one you love. Izaya knew that all too well...
1. Jubilant Childhood

Love - ? -

It is a mysterious force within the world today. Some people have the fortune of witnessing it, while a certain few may do everything to stay away. Love is a double edged sword; the push and pull of devotion and heartbreak keeps the world in balance. Forever in awe of the mysterious force that binds two wayward souls together for life. It exists weather we believe in it or not.

For Odiorne, love had always seemed to be a force too powerful. Like leaves in a heavy wind, Odiorne felt as if love had passed him by. Once in the splendor of loves warm embrace; Odiorne was torn away from it as quickly as it had begun. Like a infant deprived of motherly affection; Odiorne felt neglected and the most battle-hardened souls need love at the very end of it all. Perhaps if it wasn't for past heartbreak, Odiorne would still be optimistic and full of jubilant life.

Though, Tyla was not a man to be forgotten; not to Odiorne.

Tyla. He was the man that turned him into the lust-powered, thrusting, beast he was today. For it was none other than Tyla who pulled the once innocent boy from his secluded sanctuary of sweet, child-like, cotton candy dreams of love and happiness. Indeed; Odiorne was unexpectedly dragged through the thorns of vivid adulthood and never-ending passion; eventually becomming a raging bull of provocative sexuality. Yet, after all these years of emotional penetration, Odiorne secretly developed an unstoppable force: becomming a ruthless monster of self deprivation and shame.

That is, until Odiorne met a classy broad named Izaya Orihara.

This is the heartwarming story of how a broken young man learned to love again; healing many others in the process. A story beginning in youth; finding its way to knowing adulthood. For this is not only a journey for Odiorne. This is a journey for the comrades of Odiorne as well. For, within this coming of age is a journey for Light Yagami, Vegeta's son Trunks, attractive young men, The Pichu Bros, and a rambunctious pair by the names of Jake and Scott.

But alas, let us show you where it all began. At the heart of Odiorne's youthful splendor.

It all began on a cold Japanese morning. Because they're in Japan. This specific morning found our young protagonist walking with friends to Ouran High school; the school they all attended. A school for the rich and highly privileged; Odiorne and all his friends came from comfortable, yet highly sheltered, backgrounds. The only exception was Odiorne's best friends Light Yagami and Yuu Narukami; two very attractive brothers who attended Ouran on the highly competitive scholarships.

Seriously though, look up Yuu Narukami on google images. Im serious. Go. Now. He's really freaking hot, and he has this really gorgeous dry, deadpan, sense of humor. There's an episode in his anime where he goes camping with this guy who might be gay, and he asks if he'll be stealing away his innocence that night in this really bland monotone voice and it looks ridiculous because he looks like this hot man whore tool and he hits on every living this around him. In episode 17 or 18, a little girl even says he looks like a man whore. Danch will love him very much. Look it up. Yes. He will never let go Danch. Never. Draw him like one of your French girls, Danch! I would draw dat fine ass. He loves you. Touch him.

I'm going to distort his pimp swag personality dramatically in this fanfiction. To the point of sheer personality mutilation. Yay? Sorry Yuu.

Not sorry about Light though. He's a dick. Your lovely narrator could go on all day about gorgeous men... Oh god, could she ever... but her dear waifu Soichirou will likely retaliate with his lust for Saeko Nonogomi, 5 of the Sailor Senshi, Half of the girls in AKB48, the Red haired girl from Iwatobi Swim Club, and Bulma and that blond android from DBZ... Yeah you see what I'm writing, don't you Soichirou? That's right, I see you looking over my shoulder, boy.

Okay, what was I writing again?

Odiorne had known Light and Yuu since his early childhood. Their parents where important business associates, and the three boys had been inseparable ever since the day they met. Though, there where others that joined the boys along the way.

Among his friends was Rin Matsuoka. You should also look up Rin Matsuoka. He's also very hot. There was also Son Goku, Loki Laufeyson and Sailor Jupiter; the one girl of the bunch. The crew was together through thick and thin. They where like brothers and meant the world to each other. Little did they know, they would be going through the biggest challenge of their lives; the incredible mystery of love and coming of age.

The group was a thing of beauty. Their charismatic charm and good looks caught the attention of every student as they walked into the school. They slowed their pace as they approached a group of classmates. For this group in particular had the secret affections and passionate wet dreams of our hero.

The classmates in question where a rowdy bunch; known as the rebellious bad-boys of Ouran Academy. Their leader was Tyla. A man of trashy wifebeater tanktops and big ass ghetto lips; the one our hero Odiorne had fallen head over heels for day one at Ouran. Tyla had a reputation for being an untamable heartbreaker among the ladies and always made one thing clear: he liked his bitches tight like an extra small thong on an extra large ass. Odiorne knew such a tight sensation as he cherished the black lace thongs he purchased exclusively for his huge ass rap video booty. Was Odi wearing space pants? Cuz that big ass is out of this world. Odiorne knew he was a boy; but couldn't help but dream of being Tyla's hot lover nonetheless.

The other members of the group where also very bad boys. First, there was Kaneda Shoraro; a man known for going for older women. Especially nurses.

Then there was Jake "Cockstar" Puddington, who's coy smirk stole the hearts of many. His love for tapioca pudding was a thing of beauty. Nobody spoke of his intense desire for pudding, for it was just too sacred. Why was he called Cockstar, you ask? Only Scott Toolton knows the true meaning behind the Cockstar legend.

The Wild Stallions of the group where Kyle Franco and Scott Toolton. Roudiest of the bunch; the two loved to parade through the shady areas of town looking for trouble waiting to happen. Kyle and Sailor Jupiter where actually a hot item at the time. The boys warned her of his flirtatious ways, but she just couldn't stay away. Many women couldn't stay away from Kyle. The man was bottled lightning in the form of pure sexual energy. It took a certain kind of man to get the kind of women Kyle could get. Long story short; Kyle was a legend. Odiorne was secretly happy for the steaming hot relationship between his dear friend and that unstoppable love machine; that way he had an excuse to talk to Tyla. 'tee hee' thought Odiorne.

The last member of the group was that f***ing asshole Anthony Padildo who just got engaged to that little trashy blonde toolwhore and went to f***ing Tokyo with her and it keeps popping up on my recommended videos... Why. Why do you think I want to watch those two dickholes YouTube? No. Just, no. NOO. It's not okay for you to rub your dirty slut all over Japan. That's MY turf Anthony! MY freaking turf. Keep your big nose and tool hair off my turf you little bitch! But, alas... Anthony was the last member of the group. Goku was hot for him like nothing else. Too bad for Chi-Chi. How are you liking these Dragonball Z references, Soichirou?

In a school of rich, sheltered, man children. The bad boys of Ouran Academy made everyone weak in the knees. They where every little hungry schoolgirls pride and joy. Like drifters, they where born to walk alone. They understand about indecision, but they don't care if they get behind (get behind dat ass, that is)They where people living in competition. Yes, I'm quoting songs.

Yes, everyone wanted them. That is; all except the student counsel, because dat student counsel is the shizz.

The Ouran student counsel, AKA the Lust Brigade, consisted of three girls and two boys. Their leader was the incomparable Riako-Chan. She was loved by all the decent Hot ass Japanese gentlemen. Too bad for them, that she already loved another member of the student counsel. His name was Ryo Saeba; a beefy, sexy, freaking amazing private eye from Shinjuku Tokyo (?). He's beautiful. I love him. He's in our fanfiction profile avatar. His face in that pic is him reacting to this fanfiction. Pretend the girl in the picture is the ilustrious Riako-Chan... Your narrator approves of such a perfect adult human male. City Hunter is a gorgeous anime. Riako-Chan had an annoying ass brother named Yosuke Hanamura. He has really cool headphones and kunai, however, is an annoying little homophobe during camping trips with hot anime men. Just shut up and accept the hot ass man in your tent, Yosuke. You know you want that hot man ass, everyone does, just shut up and make love to it. Anyone would in your position you ungrateful little brat! Let that hot ass ravish you Yosuke! You know he's smoking hot. I'm only adding you in this because I like your headphones. Riako-Chan wants those headphones to listen to, like, Akina Nakamori and Michael Jackson and Boston and... And Ayumi Hamazaki... And whatever else is in my iPod... Yeah... That good stuff... Quiet. Stop laughing Soichirou. My story is amazing. I dont care how many times I said hot ass; I need to emphasise it!

The second and third girls in the lust brigade where Danchiko and Jerika Balboa; daughters of famous boxer Rocky Balboa. They also had a little brother named Soul Eater. He turns into a scythe. Danchiko was in a steady relationship with a strapping young lad named Alfred Jones. Danchiko loves her sum Alfred Jones. Jerica was with a man by the name of Haruka Nanase.

Danchiko and Riako-chan love to take camping trips with hot man lust. Danchiko loves to point out hot Japanese man ass for Alco Magic Groping while the lovely Riako-Chan loves to point out tool ass for Danchiko to savor thoroughly. Jerika notes the flavor of the mysterious Odi Hitachiin Doppelg nger and his paper plate message of epic proportions. Yes.

The final member of the counsel was a very quiet, timid, and fragile young boy named Izaya Orihara. He loved two things; the Fairy Pokemon Slyveon, and a certain boy by the name of Odiorne. Izaya's father, Apollo Creed, wouldn't allow his sons love for another man.

"Hey, champ, you oughta come and look at this boy you're gonna fight on TV. It looks like he means business!" Said the Orihara to Apollo Creed

"He's hooking. He's hooking. He's hooking! Damn, Rock, Come on! What's the matter with you? Now, when we fought, you had that eye of the tiger, man; the edge! And now you gotta get it back, and the way to get it back is to go back to the beginning. You know what I mean?" Said Apollo Creed to his son Izaya

"I'm sexually attracted to men" replied Izaya

"No son of mine!" Said Apollo Creed and he called him a fag. Izaya then started crying and called his dad a cunt. Odi is love. Odi is life. That is what Izaya truly believed. Izaya knew of Odiorne's crush on Tyla. The Orihara knew his true love deserved better than a sleaze like Tyla, but was too shy to confess his love. The pain of bottling up his feelings was very painful. It made poor Izaya very conflicted, and would ultimately make him a very guarded and demented man by the end of his High School Career at Ouran. Though, that is a story for later.

To know of Izaya and Odiorne's story of love and healing, one must first know where it all began. All within the legacy of Odiorne; filled with rebellion, lust, and the rule of the allmighty Lust Brigade above both him and the friends he held so dear. It all started with the birth of Odiorne's high school sanctuary; the Ouran High School Host Club. A place where Odiorne would become the cats meow, and get much more than he bargained for. A boy once as pure as fallen snow becoming both predator and prey.

Odiorne entered homeroom with Light, Yuu, and Loki as they parted ways with the remainer of their group until lunch period. They all took their seats; all in the back corner of the classroom. Light Yagami casually draped an arm over Odiorne as they sat down. Yuu and Loki gathered close with giddy smiles on their face. They still had time before class for robust man gossip.

"Hey, Odi, I think I saw Tyla look over at you in the hall!~" Light Yagami squealed to his friend mischievously

"Nuh-uh Light! I bet he was just looking for his girlfriend or somethin" Odiorne drawled sadly

"No, Odi! You don't give yourself enough credit! A man like Tyla would love to have a little number like you!" Light winked at his friend and turned to his brother "Riiiight, Yuu?"

"Stop it Light" Yuu wined "That Tyla boy is no good for Odi-Chan! I really wish Sailor Jupiter would just quit that Kyle ruffian as well!" Loki shyly nodded in agreement.

"Guys... I-I know Tyla looks like a big old ruffian, but I really love him!" Odiorne squealed "I... I want to change him!"

"Aww, how darling! Good for you Odi! You're a good boy!" Light Yagami grinned and gave his pal a cheeky thumbs up. Classic Light Yagami.

At that moment, the Lust Brigade walked into the classroom. They had homeroom with Odiorne and his friends. Yuu looked up in awe as Riako-Chan passed his desk. The hot man had a crush on her. Thats so great!

"H-hello, Riako-Chan!" Yuu greeted as he stood up to approach her.

Riako-Chan smiled politely Yuu's way as she heard her name called "Hello Yuu-Chan! How are you, today?"

Yuu blushed as he heard the -Chan added to his name and began taking off his shirt sexily to reveal his lovely abs "Riako-Chan, I love you so much! You're so great and I really love you! Will you be my girlfriend? I'm really hot and I'm the protagonist of that Anime/Game series you like and I look really cute in that chibi Persona game that just came out! Please date me Riako-Chan! I'll never leave your side and I'm really hot! Draw my hawt ass like one of your french girls! Jack Dawson said you would!"

Odiorne gasped as he heard such a hot man confession! If his really hot Japanese pal Yuu could admit his love to someone as awesome as Riako-Chan, he should do something to gain Tyla's love. Too bad he didn't notice Izaya's longing stare at him from across the class... Poor Izaya. Izaya began to cry as he stared longingly at his beloved Odiorne. Odi was too deep in thought to notice such a seductive gaze.

Riako-Chan smiled sadly as she put her hands on Yuu's shoulders "I'm sorry Yuu... I'm in love with Saeba Ryo Desu; the protagonist of the anime City Hunter... I know I really like that Persona 4 spinoff game I just bought, but I could never be with anyone but Ryo Saeba! I have the entire series on blu ray!"

Yuu nodded slowly and looked at his dearest Riako-Chan "I understand Riako-Chan... Ryo Saeba is pretty hot and cool when he drives his Mini Cooper around with his loud ass Misty-looking assistant in the anime"

Yuu began to walk away slowly with his head when Riako-Chan stopped him "Wait, Yuu! I know someone who you may like!"

"W-w-who..." Yuu sniffled

Riako-chan then left the class for half a second and came back with a Japanese girl

"This is Yukiko-Chan. You should love her! You'd be a great couple!" Riako-Chan smiled and handed off Yukiko-Chan to Yuu-Chan who took her out on a nice classy gentleman date and they loved each other forever and ever. Yay. Now I don't feel bad for picking Ryo Saeba. For complicated reasons. Just like how Riako-Chan thinks the singer Seiko Matsuda is extremely over rated. Agan; complex reasonings. Back to the story.

Danchiko and Jerika clapped as they held witness to such a gorgeous sight. They sat next to their own boyfriends who where very hot and manly. Danchiko petted Izaya's head as he sobbed while staring at Odiorne. Odi was now sucking on an unpeeled banana. Also for complicated reasons.

The bell rang, and it was now time for class. The teacher, Caliston-Sensei and his assistants genderless Articuno and the Pichu Bros followed suit. Riako-Chan and Jerika-Chan began to argue about weather Articuno was a boy or girl. It had been a heated debate since 3rd grade.

"Silence childs!" Demanded Caliston-Sensei "It is now time to sing the Pichu Bros theme song!"

"I don't want to!" Yelled Miley Cyrus "Lets sing Wrecking Ball and swing on an actual wrecking ball naked"

"Yeahhh guurl!" said Scott Toolton as he gave Pudding Cockstar a high five of toolness. What a cherished bromance!

"Okay. Let's go!" said Caliston-Sensei. Not a single fuck was given by Calison-Sensei.

Light Yagami then picked up his pal Odi. The whole class began singing Love Lift us up Where We Belong as they walked out of the class in their epic bro fashion. Misa-Chan was so pissed that Kira-Chan did that.

Danchiko caught up to Loki in the hallway and tapped his shoulder. They where good friends.

"Let it go, let it go Can't hold it back anymore Let it go, let it go Turn away and slam the door!  
I don't care What they're going to say Let the storm rage on,  
The cold never bothered me anyway!"

Said Danchiko and Loki in unison. What a duet!

- Later that day -

It was now lunch period, and Odi was sitting on the roof with Light, Rin, Loki, Yuu, and Goku. They're in Japan, and Japanese school child's have lunch on the roof. It's just how that lust works. Yuu's fine ass had to come back for lunch; I need him to progress the plot...

The wrecking ball session was quite progressive. What, did you think that's where I would pick this up at? No way in hell I'm describing 95% of this cast in that kind of position... I think you can guess who's hot ass I would love to describe though...

... Sorry I was thinking of hot men on wrecking balls...

Odiorne was deep in thought as he ate his Taco Bell lunch. He chewed slowly as he thought of what he should do the seduce Tyla as his attractive friends discussed why they where all so sexually attractive and why they needed Odi's big ass to offset their hot man action. It was at that moment when Odi was interrupted from his thoughts by Rin.

"Heyy! I heard sum hot gossip from your lil boi toy in da class this mornin, Odiorne!" Exclaimed his hot red haired friend who talked like a thug

"Boy Toy? Ya mean Tyla?" Odiorne inquired?

"Yea boi! I hear he checks out dat sweet ass Host Club after school!" Rin said

Odi frowned "So? All that tells me is he flirts with a bunch of women and stuff Rin..." Odiorne sighed

The group then smiled at Odi mischievously.

"What?" Odi whined

"I think I got an idea for how we can get Tyla's attention!" Cheered Light. The group nodded in a knowing agreement

"I just got one question Odi..."

"What is it?"

"What's your dress size?"

What wonders would await our hero Odiorne as the day progressed? Will our hero gain Tyla's affection? Or will he realize Izaya's undying love for him? Stay tuned for the next gripping chapter: "Odiorne's Coming of Age! The discovery of the Ouran Host Club!"

TIME FOR ODI'S JUKEBOX!

THIS EPISODE: TO THE TUNE OF HAPPY BY PHARREL

~~It might seem sexy what Odi's bout to say Tyla, he's here, my ass cant take a break I'm hot taco lard that could go to Tyla-town With my fat, like my big ass, Tyla by the way

[Chorus:]  
Because I'm Odiiii Clap along if you feel like Tyla inside an ass Because I'm Odiiiii Clap along if you feel like Odiorne is the truth Because I'm Odiiiii Clap along if you know what Odi's ass is to you Because I'm Odiiiii Clap along if you feel like Tylas' what you wanna do~~.

Until the next time, remember the Odi motto:

Tyla, you are a badass dude!

And Odi always wants to take your load whenever you ask him to!

We're back, bitches~ Make way for dat lust brigade! 


	2. Comming of Age

Get ready for some more adulterated Odiorne-ication! Get it? Fornication? Odiorne? It's a play on words cuz, like... Nahhh, you get it ;3

Odiorne is adulterating his own story with dat big rap-video ass. That means diluting something to make it shitty, kids!~ Get yo learninz of da streetz, yo. It takes more than Odiorne to fuck up a timeless piece like mine, nonetheless! Just wait until the subplots kick in~

THE MORAL OF THIS CHAPTER:

Remember childs; When you see hot young men; you grope them. Always remember; Never forget

As Odiorne's handsome friends made preparations for their much anticipated plan, Odi couldn't help but become a restless ball of nerves within the time leading up to it. He hoped that whatever ploy his friends had hastily put together would, ultimately lead him to an encounter with his beloved Tyla. The kind of encounter people have when they really want each other. You know. Physically. You're reading fanfiction; of course you know.

As the big plan for after school was coming together, another group was going to the Host Club for different reasons. Said group, The Lust Brigade, had a bone to pick with one of the more disrupting club members and had to take action at lunch. For the leader of mentioned group had no time to dick around with these dumbasses after school. Shit had to throw down now.

As Riako-Chan walked with her comrades towards the location of the host club, when a challenge of wit and knowledge came their way! Challenge accepted~

"What does the fox say?" Demanded the infamous Pudding Cockstar as he passed briskly in the hall.

"Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! Bay-buh-day bum-bum bay-dum!" Said Izaya Orihara

"Very good. My fateful mission has been completed" Pudding Cockstar then handed Izaya a sloppy handful of white pudding from his jean pocket. With that he left. Off with his comrade Scott Toolton to accept a never ending challenge; to fulfill his destiny as the Legendary Cockstar.

It was after such a touching moment that Riako-Chan's annoying brother

Yosuke just HAD to approach her.

"Riako-Chan, can I have my headphones back?"

"No."

"Why not!? I need them beloved Onee-San!" Cried Yosuke.

Onee-San is sister. Remember, they're in Japan. Ignore the fact that half the people in this have white names, and honestly, I'm not quite sure what the fuck nationality Odiorne is. Seriously, what the fuck!? If the fucking English dub of Yu-Gi-Oh can have native Japanese people with names like Joey and MOKUBA coexist in Japan, then who gives a shit anymore.

"Because you refused a hot ass man. You don't do that. Never do that. When a hot young man is in a tent with you, you take advantage of dat fine ass. Neglecting fine man ass is very dishonorable. You have dishonored this family with your lack of lust abilities."

"B-But I like... women-"

"No. Just no. A man that sexually attractive is never ignored! Everyone goes for an ass that fine. It's like the new Link design with the little ponytail that Nintendo revealed today. It's so hot that even a straight ass man would hit dat shit up. When you see a man that fine, and that man is in a tent with you asking if his innocence will be taken, you fucking take dat innocence! Very dishonorable Yosuke. Very." Riako-Chan shook her head in disappointment

Seriously, the new Link in the newest Zelda game they just announced is really hot. Hey, there's something I never thought I would say! Link. Hot. The fuck happened to this world? He is hot though.

Okay I'm focused again. As focused as I can be writing this... This... Excellent piece of literature. Yes.

"Riako-Chan is right. You have neglected to tap sufficient washboard abs" said Jerika

"Indeed. Such a waste of lust. Truly, this belligerent fool does not know proper practice of lust" Danchiko added

"I'm sorry honorable Lust Brigade. I have dishonored the lust of our family. I will never regret attractive young men again! What do you recommend I should have done, great Onee-San?"

"The sacred family pickup line, of course! When you see hot man lust in you vicinity, you must say the following words of wisdom 'I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but I'm Batman and my bat-eyebrows are *eyes* that are *browsin'* dat fine ass'"

"...What?" Responded Yosuke after, like, 30 seconds of digesting whatever the hell that just was.

"Never question lust!"

Now look what I've done~ Even my own supporting cast has no idea what the fuck is happening. Fear not! The story will tie together in more ways than a mere erection could possibly assume! And erections assume many things! ...Oh and, the Yosuke thing is an in-joke between me and the person who keeps eavesdropping on my excellent story. He no like dat Yosuke-chan. Him and his sexual tent encounter came from an anime we watched. Right, Ichi? Oh wait, you're at work~

Yousuke then left to seriously contemplate his sexual orientation, while the Brigade continued to the Host Club. The walk was filled with casual conversation of Pokemon Heroes, Stitch the Movie, a set of books with adult themes from Elizabeth of the Collar Alliance, and a crudely drawn picture story about Ash and Mistys love song and the Pikachu head that gradually got bigger. Though, a certain Orihara would have none of that flavorful banter; he wanted to learn more about obtaining men.

Specifically Jack Black.

Just kidding; you know Izaya wants Odiorne.

Careful Izaya: such a lustful technique could only be taught by masters of the force. It takes much time to become a master of such lust. Only Danchiko, Jerrika, and Riako-Chan knew the secret art of lustful acquisitions. It was a force that took many years to master. Do or do not; there is no try, fair Orihara!

Oh, and I just decided- The name Odiorne is Korean. It is. I swear. I'm a Japanese/Lit Major. You can trust me. I knowz me sum stuffs. I think I just forgot the next thing I was gonna write... Hang on, I'm gonna go make some tea...

Okay, I'm back. And yes, I really did leave to make tea just now. This shizz is in real time, yo!

Okay, what the fuck, the radio station I'm listening to, in Japan, just played the FULL HOUSE theme song. What the fuck? Stop trying to rape my childhood with your dirty Bob Sagett wet dreams! D'':

I'm serious... The fucking Full House opening... I literally stopped writing to stare at my radio in sheer disbelief just now.

What the actual FUCK!?

Yeah yeah, okay, back to the plot.

With much contemplation, the bashful Orihara decided to speak up. He knew he had to hurry, as they where quickly closing in on the location of the Host Club. Once there, work would have to come first.

'Quickly!' Thought Izaya 'It's now or never!'

"U-u-um... G-guys?" The Orihara barely squeaked

"What's wrong Izaya?" Asked Jerika

"U-u-u-ummm... Well... I-I-I... I want to learn how... H-how..."

"It's okay Iza-Chan! What do you want to learn?" Inquired a concerned Danchiko

Izaya knew he had to spit it out. It was to make himself a man fit for Odiorne, after all. For all the blushing young Orihara wanted was to become a classy broad worthy of Odiorne's exclusive affection.

"I-I want to become a master of lust! Please... Please teach me! Danchiko-Sama, Riako-Chan-Sama, Jerika-Sama... Please... I'll do whatever it takes!" Pleaded Izaya

The trio of maidens only stared at each other with serious glances. Mastering lust was serious business; the most difficult achievement a mere mortal soul could dream to acquire. That is why the three girls where the only ones to master it in the current day and age. It took persistence, wisdom, and above all, the mind of a true lustful Hitachiin. For the almighty Hitachiin Twins where the gods that reined the vast world we walked upon. Did Izaya have what it took to learn the ways of lust? It would take years, but if the Orihara truly wanted to try... Then the frail boy deserved a shot. The girls could see the determination in his eyes, but did the mighty Hitachiins see the required strength in the boy as well?

Only a sacred ritual could make the Orihara's fate with lust clear. In any normal circumstance, the Maidens of Lust would never consider a desire for training from anyone. It was far too dangerous; a 5 year long process that would tear a mortal soul apart. Though Izaya was different. The boy had the spark; the eye of the tiger. That passion was something never seen; and within it was an unstoppable power known as true love. The girls knew that true love was never a force to be taken lightly.

Though Izaya was a very frail and weak boy, the Maidens silently decided that he at least deserved the test of entrance. They agreed on this solely based upon his sheer will and desire to become a Lust sage. Dat true love is some serious shit.

The test Izaya would have to face was the very same sacred right of passage the three Maidens of Lust had each undergone at the age of 8. Five years later, the trio came out an unstoppable force. If Izaya survived, the fragile boy would come out stronger than he could ever become on his own.

Said test was within a sacred ritual known as the Tool Conquest. A mighty battle atop the Yosemite Moonlight Hitachin Voyage. It would begin with a ruthless travel by foot to the sacred Hitachiin mountain. From there, it was an all-out battle of sheer force.

"I'm a very sexually attractive man" Said Ryo Saeba. A seductive glint in his eyes as he announced such a searing proclamation of striking enchantment.

Yeah, you forgot he was a part of the Student Counsel, didn't you? He's been here the whole time! Jeez!

"Yes. Yes you are." Responded the group in unison before continuing the matter at hand.

Riako-chan and the other Maidens continued a silent contemplation; communicating silently through lust telepathy. Lust Maidens where just awesome like that. As an agreement was reached, the girls nodded in unison. It was Riako-Chan who broke the unnerving silence that silently provoked the Odihara's uneasy stream of nerves.

"Izaya..." The maiden began. Her piecing gaze narrowing in an unbiased seriousness before she proceeded. "You do know how serious such a process is? Such a task will take you 5 full years"

Izaya nodded briskly

"That is..." Danchiko added hesitantly. She then followed her words with a lowering of her head and a solem closing of eyes. She shook her head; knowing of an inevitable ultimatum. The other two knew exactly what she was about to say.

"Izaya, that is, if you survive the process of becoming a Lust Sage..." Jerrika said: speaking slowly and clearly in order to emphasize the sincerity of the matter.

Hey, on another note, Izaya sounds like a girls name. It'd be kinda pretty if it was, like, Izako or something. That actually sounds really cute! Like a jPop idol stage name! Kono shoujo wa Izako-chyaaannnn desu! I also like the name Himewari. It's old school, but pretty. Yepperoni pepperoni.

Izaya already decided his answer before asking the Maidens, but the timid stripling could not help but think of the reality of possibly loosing his life. All for the one he loved; Odiorne. Are you fucking insane?

Nonetheless, Izaya Orihara had made his choice. He was ready to work harder than he ever had in his life.

"I understand. I'm ready" Izaya eventually responded

The Maidens of Lust had received their answer. Sacred proceedings would soon follow. Once the process began, the Orihara would train upon the Hitachiin Voyage. Ultimately either becoming a wise sage of lust, or dying in the process.

After the Orihara's final answer, a seance of zealous intensity spread though the hall the group had been standing in.

Just as intense as the time Riako-Chan was spacing out and aggressively sucking on that Mickey Mouse Popsicle outside a department store, and Ichi nudged her to stop because it looked really dirty~ That really happened.

The Maidens finally nodded in unison. A weary smile graced Danchiko's face as she began to converse with the now potential Lust Sage.

"We leave tomorrow at dawn, Izaya" The lust sage began. "You will be gone 5 years... Say your final farewells to friends and family. Your new life is that of lust"

The Orihara sighed; holding a strong eye contact with Danchiko. It was quite symmetrical. Death the Kid would be all over dat shizz. Danchiko loves Death the Kid's hot ass symmetry.

Liz and Patty have hairstyles similar to the lust of Jerika and Danchiko at the dawn of high school and the Danch haircut of the Junior year. Yes. Death the Kid loves dat Ranchy Danchy~ He is her new boyfriend today. Alfred Jones moved to Canadia. DanchRanch loves Death the Kid more~ Especially his Soul Eater Not design~ Yes. I'm watching Soul Eater right now.

"I understand. I'll be ready at dawn"

"Great" Responded Jerika "Now let take care of this Host Club situation"

The group neared the entrance of the Ouran Host Club. Riako-Chan took the lead and tugged at the door handle with in a swift movement.

The door was locked.

"Ryo!" Commanded Riako-Chan. He knew what to do.

In mere seconds, the sexy private eye took out his Colt Python 357 Magnum (cuz that's the gun he has in the anime: I checked Wikipedia to make sure) and fired one incredibly precise shot at the stiff handle. The entire mechanism came off immediately.

Without a second thought, the group knew something serious was going on inside. Ryo kept his pistol armed as the three women became on guard with their Lust force ready at any time. Izaya, being unarmed and weak, hid close behind Danchiko; grasping her shoulder tightly from behind as they prepared for what could potentially await in the room.

With that, they entered the room.

Their first sight was that of darkness. The entire room was enveloped in a pitch black cloak. A disrupted peace in the air.

The group stayed close as they trekked deeper into area. They soon heard to sound of a door slam shut. A low assertion questioned the group from behind.

"Eyy, are yo legs made of Nutella?" "Cuz I really wanna spread em" swooned said voice.

Three. That makes three cheesy ass pickup lines so far in this literary magnum opus. Expect this shit to be novel size in length, so yes, there will be many more.

The girls glared towards the direction the voice was coming from. All they could see was the continuing dark cloak.

"Who's there!? Show yourself!" Barked Riako-Chan

"Heheheh. Okay... If you insist babe" the voice responded as a low growl was heard from Riako-Chan.

The pure black was pierced with blazing red irises. The form walked closer and piercing white fangs where finally seen. Followed by the face, and finally body, of the one and only Tyla.

It was all clear now. The man was a vampire. It all made sense now...

I really want to watch St. Elmo's Fire right now... Ally Sheedy has cute clothes and hair in that~

Just as Tyla arouse from the darkness, so did the rest of his group. Every single one of them. Vampires.

Izaya stayed close to Danchiko. Clinging to the girls backside in sheer terror.

"A-a-all of them... They're..." Izaya began

"Vampires. Should of known" finished Jerika cynically.

Izaya shivered into Danchiko's back. The boy was terrified.

"Don't you worry Izaya. We'll take care of this quickly" Dachiko smiled at the Orihara gingerly

It was just before the Orihara closed his eyes that he's saw a form in Tyla's arms. It was...

"O-O-..." Izaya breathed. Then in all came out in one mighty scream "ODIORNEEEE!"

The boy in the Vampire's arms was stark naked and unconscious. His body covered in hickies and bites. On the floor to the side was a discarded pink dress. Torn and covered in Tyla man pudding.

...Oh my god the radios playing something amaaaaazinggggg~

Konya dakeru mo Cinderella Boy. Do you want to dance toniiiiiight~

Romantiku wo sarate. Do you want to hold me tiiiiight~ Aaasaatsuuiiii biito wo narashite, Do you want to hold me tight~~~~

OH MY GOD, I love this song! Yoko Oginome is a beast. Dancing Hero is a gorgeous song. Yes. No? Yes. ...Yes. Nobody knows what I'm talking about.

Orihara couldn't stand to see his Odiorne like this! It was at that moment that the boy snapped.

Lunging at Tyla in a blind rage, the Orihara hit the ground immediately. The young boy was too slow for a fully fledged vampire.

As Izaya hit the ground, the group could see a bite mark and hot blood running down the boys porcelain neck.

It was over. Izaya had been bit by a vampire.

"IZAYYYAAAAAA!" yelled Danchiko

"We have to leave. NOW." Their leader commanded "Death the Kid. Grab Izaya, we have to get to the Hitachiin Voyage! We leave tonight!"

"He's not symmetrical! He's imperfect!" Yelled Danchiko's boyfriend Death the Kid.

"Suck it up, kid! It's time we blow this scene. Get everybody and the stuff together... Okay. 3, 2, 1, LETS JAM!" Demanded Riako-Chan

With that, Death the Kid grabbed Izaya and bolted from the room. Ryo followed close behind in case of more vampires. The two left the school and kept running. They knew exactly where to go; this was a serious situation. Oh wait, doesn't Death the Kid have that cool floating skateboard? Eh, forget it.

With the victims out of the way, the three Lust Maidens released their true power. The vampire pack was unconscious before the fight even began. Lust Maidens don't dick around with tools~

Helping Odiorne was impossible. His pastey big ass was far to heavy to move. Tyla would be keeping the one he claimed.

Both sexually and by the power of Dark Vampire Lust.

The maidens then left the school as well. Action had to be taken as their dear Orihara had been bit. He would change if they didn't make it to the mountain by dawn.

Izaya layed unconscious in a fit of fever dreams. The bite taking more and more of his sanity as every moment ticked by.

The fever dreams became more and more vivid. The Orihara then found himself standing on a desolate building. A mere fabrication of his raging mind. It was then that the blushing young Orihara began to sing his deep desires.

"Not a sound from the pavement

Has the moon lost her memory?

She is smiling alone

In the lamplight

The withered leaves collect at my feet

And the wind begins to moan (Like Odiorne - OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHRRRRRR, TYLAAAA~"

Memory

All alone in the moonlight

I can smile at the old days

Life was beautiful then

I remember

The time I knew what happiness was

Let the memory live again"

Sang Izaya Orihara. How splendid for Danchu! Her favorite lust!~

Stay tuned for the next chapter! What will become of the Orihara? What of Odiorne?

Find out the answers to these questions, and what exactly happened at the Host Club between Odi and Tyla, in...

Chapter 3: "A Dangerous Lust! Izaya's Adult Ultimatum and the budding romance of Jake and Scott Toolton!"

TIME FOR ODI'S JUKEBOX!

(I almost did Ridin' Dirty for this chapters song segment. So look forward to that in chapter three... Or maybe you hate them. I don't fucking know~)

SUNG BY ODI AND DA E-STREET BAND

THIS EPISODE: ...lol, you'll know once you read a few lines ;p

Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye

Me plus Tyla (I'ma tell him one time)

Me plus Tyla (One time, I'ma tell him one time)

One time (one time) one time

When I met you Ty my ass went knock knock

Now them hardness in my pants won't stop stop

And even Ty's thrustings a struggle tacos are all we got

So Tyla keep keep climbin' to my asses top

Ty's penis is my penis

And Odi's ass is Ty's ass

My lard is Ty's lard

When Ty is hard, My ass burns

[Chorus]

Odi's yo one love, yo one boi, yo one ass for sure

Tyla, tell you one time

(Ty, I love, Ty I love you)

Tyla tell you one time

(Ty I love, Ty I love you)

My ass is deep

Tyla knows that its sexy

Ty's in my ass and penis - it's thrusts into me

Many have groped but my ass is Tyla's

Dat ass you want shawty Tyla, I'll give my hot tush to youuuu~

Everyone Knows it's Odi: Dats Mee!

Okay, enough of that~

Until next time, remember the Odi motto:

Tyla; you are a badass duudeee!

Odi always wants to take your load whenever you ask him to!


End file.
